Chuck Zumbrun

Tales from Skunk Hill

Corny Letter

A letter to the editor in the April 22nd Fort Wayne Journal-Gazette.

Corn producers the cause of many of nation’s woes

Perhaps Rep. Marlin Stutzman can address the following agricultural issues on the House floor: policies of the Department of Agriculture that are so negative in nature that they need to be abandoned.

•The production and marketing of high fructose corn syrup, a product so sweet that it destroys the body’s ability to regulate blood sugar levels, and thus is the primary cause of obesity and diabetes in America. Or, we could have the corn producers pay the medical bills of those so afflicted.

•Since it was cheap taxpayer-subsidized corn products that drove the small Mexican peasant farmer off his land and caused the immigration problem in the first place, I suggest that the corn producers pay the tab for border-protection costs or be issued weapons and spend one month per year patrolling the border.

Ken Koenig Angola

I think Ken Koenig is trying to shame me, but actually I feel so powerful. I didn’t know people were powerless before my blandishments and would gobble down whatever I set before them, unable to resist.

And although I’m a little fuzzy on how I drove the small Mexican peasant farmer off his land, I must admit it makes me feel like a feudal lord. You say the peasants have no bread? Let them eat corn!

Buwahaha!!!

2 responses to “Corny Letter”

  1. Tom Avatar
    Tom

    I bought the paper today at school so I could read this one article. Guess i never realized that we shared the same market with peasant farmers all over the world!

  2. Anne Avatar
    Anne

    I am continually surprised by the connections that people make, we have some real doozies in our letters to the editor. Why now I thought your entire crop was devoted to ethanol production driving all the good ole oil boys out of work down here.

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